The Heart in response to Despair

Scared of the new he did not move on,

Looking back on what was long gone.  

The chasm of despair was wide enough,

Dark and deep, pulsating and painful.  

The abyss of fear had its own echo.

Trying to drown the sound of that soft tinkle,

And the eyes would now and then wrinkle.

But on the morrow or days after,

The sun will warm every corner.

Leaves will struggle and shoot to new life.

And one dark corner will be a room long unvisited,

A treasure to keep, to smile and reminisce about.

Shake your head and laugh about.

For the heart believes, has faith.

Hope and love are all around.

To take, not two steps but a leap, 

To cross the chasm of despair so deep. 

Its beats every day and says

Why think of the end at the new beginning?  

Written on 7th November, 2011. 

( The second para of the poem (now modified) was in response to a friend's poem about a personal loss. Trying to give him hope wrote that and today completed the whole poem. Life and loss go together and despair has such wide encompassing wings that it can engulf you forever. It is enticing too and a safe place to be because the world out their seems scary and brutal. It is and it is not. Most of us are fortunate enough to have friends, loved ones and family around reach out , hang on , cry, throw a tantrum , sulk but move on. If not for yourself but for them for they will also be tired of counselling you after sometime :P just kidding. Move on. The heart is strong more than you think. Otherwise start using saffola :) 'teri dil ki baat main jaanu' 

On that note Eid Mubarak !!!! :) Till we meet again Khuda Haafiz !! :) ) P.S. do visit the link behind the room long unvisited words a previous poem about heart and the hall of life. 

To whomsoever it is concerned

Taking out time to listen,
Hearing out and holding on.
Always around,
Never letting go.
Kissing away the tears and fears.

Years go by,
Only thing that passes are good times,
Unending and unusual.


Written on 23rd October, 2011

(My birthday just went by and I was overwhelmed with the love and wishes of friends and family. There were midnight celebrations and surprises and a treasure hunt thrown in for good measure. Phone calls (international calls too !!), smses and gifts. The day and sometime after it was full of joy, happiness and so much love. It made me realize, well I know it but it reinforced and reiterated  the fact that I am much loved. Such a amazing feeling. So a bigggg Thank You to all ( you know who you are ..!! ). A poem after a long time. Till we meet again a very Happy Diwali !!!! :)  Adios Amigos..)

The Radio

Timeless melodies enthralling,
Humming hearts and many ears,
Engaging in a conversation that is beyond words.

Rhythms of love, life, laughter, loneliness in random order or,
Arranged and always aloud.
Demanded or dictated by moody denizens of a well known red abode.
In house juggler on the call, and the show is on,but
Only for the love of music, memories and mellow musings.

Written on 4th September, 2011.

(The Radio is the internal Lan radio I play in my campus and have had a amazing experience doing so. When I started someone asked me to change the name because it was to simple and direct playing The Radio on the Lan radio but way it caught on in campus it soon became THE Radio of the campus. I have earned many friends through it just discussing music on our internal messenger and many fans. I can be unabashedly immodest about one thing in life and that is The Radio. People have met me and said thank you for making their days more fun, or that they remain on campus just because The Radio is on. Once I had one listener ring me up and hum a tune of a song just played so that I can play it again. It took me some time to figure it out but well it was good fun. Now days are close when The Radio will close shop but till that time enjoy listening and a big thank you to everyone out there who ever listened to The Radio. I had a time of my life playing it. Signing off for now till next time take care !!! :) ) 

The Art of Accepting Gifts

If the first thought in your mind while taking a gift is "Why ?? and not WOW !!!!  then you need to learn the art. You think "Oh god, I have to return the favour in equal measure if not more" then join fast. I used the word taking not accepting because if you accept, then you make it your own with your heart, with all the love and respect and you feel happy and not obliged. Gone are the days when a simple parle-g biscuit packet untidily packed gave so much pleasure ( true story by the way ..you heard it from the acceptor's mouth). Now it is just calculation about the money and more so the comparison and the equality (not of the good kind) of what the current receiver previously gave you. Not a thought is given to the love and affection behind the gift. But the giver is also not above all this and it may not be you and you might be responding or reacting to someone else's (coining a new term ..*drum roll*)  calculative gift. It has become a game of one-up- man-ship. "Uska gift mere gift se bada kaise?" *Sigh* innocence is over ..so the joy of gifts is only for the young that too below 7 years because after that I guess they do take part in their parents discussions as to what to give their friends.
"व्यवहार" or social obligation or conduct has taken over the art of gifting. Sometimes it is required to done in the social spectrum among relatives. Ok I agree always but it can be reduced and removed if people want. But व्यवहार among friends is beyond my comprehension. And not among casual friends but good friends. Who gave what, for how much, and what should be given back. Lets not even get started on combined gifts. Such a mess !!!!
Actually this blog is about me if by now you have not realized I am just taking out my frustration but of course regarding gifts only. I love giving gifts as much as I love receiving them. People think and say too that I accept anything and should have no problem in that. Good thing or bad or pathetic...I don't know. But I accept any gift with all the love and thought I give gifts. The overriding motive behind my gifts to people is they remember me by it. I am basically a memory and nostalgia collector so I try to give the memories to others. Joy and happiness too. It is still such fun to open the wrapper ...
I know people who do not believe in either receiving or giving gifts. Well they have a stated and publicly declared policy ..good that's clear. But try giving them a gift, it is addictive I tell you who does not like to be surprised :). Guys specially non-boyfriends dont believe in giving gifts specially to girls on their own combined maybe and among their guy gang possible. Boyfriends do not have a option poor souls !!! but I know boyfriends who don't give gifts as well they might be in deep trouble ;). But then again it is given that he has to give why ?? well the girl also gives ok.. but why necessary? I can hear people say 'you have not been in a relationship'  So it is girl thing well not exactly but mostly.
Let me hazard a generalization without fearing a backlash. Girls give gifts among friends and when they are friends mostly and guys when they start earning and to show off their money mostly in social settings maybe among friends too. But I seriously envy the freedom with which guys walk into any party and wedding without carrying a gift and they don't disappoint anyone because that is expected behaviour. Now I am in serious trouble with my gender.
Jokes apart would really request elders to accept gifts from their juniors because when they gift you something they feel proud about it and also happy that they are giving or trying to give you as much happiness as you gave them. Friends ..chill dude and dudettes seriously please. Those who do not believe in either giving or receiving gifts please state your preference clearly not only verbally but in writing as well be it birthdays or marriages or mundans and others please respect it if not the verbal then the written word is sacred. And most importantly if I give you a gift accept it with joy because that is what I was trying to give you and in return give me a memory of good times spent with you and I will cherish it. (Well a gift will do just fine too :) )

Written on 29th July, 2011.


( The title is from a Reader's Digest article which I really liked and cannot find anywhere now. It was beautifully written and said that not only giving gifts but accepting them was also important. I am tired of explaining why I give gifts or giving this one in particular. I like to see the joy on people's face but all I see is question marks. I have to fight to give gifts seriously.. !!! Just realized this could have been the blog short and sweet. But if you are here then you read it anyways :D. This is my third prose blog and two blogs have been old poems one mine and one someone else's so only three original poems till now. Three poems in seven months I need a mid course corrections lets hope that happens. Till we meet again...Happy Teej, and Rakshabandhan. :) ) 

Duniya mein do type ke...

Incident One : Caught a  radio auto for the railway station. Reached station. Got out to pay the fare. While taking out the money hit forehead with hand and touched a already hurting insect bite. Let out a rather loud cry of pain. The auto driver looked up with concern and asked what happened. Explained just a insect bite. He checked the auto for any luggage or item left behind and nodded his head. Said thank you and moved on. 

Incident Two: Do not use a pillow while sleeping. The pillow during train journeys usually end being put behind acting as head rest for the bed. In  the 2 A compartment  a young guy walked up coolly picked the pillow from behind head and walked away. By the time realization hit he was gone. Boiled with anger. Did nothing. Imagined a good fight in mind. Frustrated. Remembered incident one. Took a deep breath. 

Small inconsequential things. Just one question of concern. Just a damn dirty railway pillow. 

Written on 13th July, 2011.

(The title is a dialogue from the film Hum from a very famous drunk scene. Black, white or grey you decide or of no consequence you decide. Missed out June's post so this one for June. Hopefully will write another one this month. Till then Happy Monsoons !!!! :) ) 

साक्षात्कार

तारों के जंगल में अभियंता का घर 

अन्दर जाने के लिए घंटी बजायी

तो कहीं से आवाज़ आई

'स्वागत है '

आसपास कोई न था

तोह क्या यह मेरा भ्रम था 

नहीं साहब यह घंटी ही बोली थी

अभियंता के गहर की जो थी 

अन्दर जाने में लगा डर 

कहीं दरवाज़े ने हाथ मिलाया 

और खिड़की ने मुस्काया 

पर अपना प्रण हमे याद आया

आज उनसे मिलकर साक्षात्कार लेना ही था

भीतर का दृश्य बड़ा अदभुत था

न कुर्सी, न मेज़, न कालीन, न गलीचा था

कमरा ऐसे खली था जैसे किसी 

भिखारी की खाने की थाली था

हम आश्चर्य से थे दंग

तभी हमारा ध्यान हुआ भंग 

वहि आवाज़ हमारे परिचय की अभिलाषी थी

अपनी तारीफ़ में हमने बताया 

एक अख़बार से सम्बन्ध है 

यह कह कर हम हो गए चुप 

तभी एक द्वार खुला जिसके अन्दर अँधेरा था घुप्प 

हम धड़कते दिल से चल दिए उस ओर 

लगा कि पता बतने वाले ने हमे गलत दिया मोड़
चलते चलते पहुंचे जब हम एक स्थान
धड़ाम से गिरते चले गए जाने किस धाम
ईश्वर का हमने लिया नाम
अपने प्रिये जानो को किया अंतिम प्रणाम
सोच लिया था कि अब यह हमारा आखिरी समय है
लेकिन अभी हमारी जीवन यात्रा बची थी
शायद इसलिए भाग्य को हम पर कृपा हुई
और हमारे प्राणों की रक्षा हुई

हमारे सब्र का बांध बस अब टूटने ही वाला था 

यह कोई साक्षात्कार था या हमारे संपादक का प्रतिकार
आज बच गए तो  सबको देख लेगे
येही सोच कर हम आगे बढ़े थे
उस घडी को हम नहीं पाएंगे भूल
जिसको देख कर हम हर्ष से गए थे फूल
हमारे समक्ष वह कक्ष था जो अभियंता के अविष्कारों से भरा था

वह अभियंता तथा वैज्ञानिक भी थे 

परन्तु दिखते वह किसी  चिड़ियाघर के नमूने थे

उनकी आधी बातें तोह हमारे सर के ऊपर से निकल गयी दूर 

कितनी हमने लिखी कितनी कानों के सफ़र से बहार हो गयी 

हम उनके अविष्कारों को समझने में असमर्थ थे

और वह हमारी इस विवशता से अनभिज्ञ थे

जब उनसे लिया गया समय हुआ समाप्त 

तो हमे खुली हवा में जाने का सुख होने वाला था प्राप्त 

हम फिर उसी राह से लौटने पर घबराये 

और अनुरोध कर एक दुसरे मार्ग का पता पाए 

पर वह मार्ग तोह पहले से अधिक यम का दूत था

हम वहां से बहार कैसे आये यह हमारी बहादुरी का सबूत था

मन ही मन राम को करते प्रणाम 

कुछ बाते हमने मन में ली ठान

सबसे पहले अपने संपादक से लेंगे इस विश्वासघात का सार

फिर समाचार पत्र की इस नौकरी का करेंगे तिरस्कार 

और जीवन में अब कभी किसी अभियंता का न लेंगे साक्षात्कार 

Written in 1995.

( Was completely blank this month about which poem to write, so dug out an old poem to share. One of my very few Hindi poems. Had written it in class IX and it was published in the school magazine also. Till next time ..प्रणाम :) )

 

Surrender and you win..

She slips through your grasp,
Making you wonder when she will come back.
She eludes and evades all ensnares,
Mocking at your weak attempts to entice her.
She peeks from behind clouds of dreams,
Muddling your thoughts and making you mad.
She runs and laughs, stops and giggles,
Mischievous like a naughty girl.
Surrendering to her tantrums is the last resort you think..,
May be she accepts your defeat and takes your head as a prize.
She sneaks in quietly, still lurking furtively in the corridors of your hazy thoughts,
Making sure you have given up the fight to take her over.
She likes to conquer you see,
Make her fight and she quietly withdraws.
Sleep believes in nonviolence and pacifist ways, thats why;
Me, you and everyone waits for that peaceful sleep.

Written on 21st April, 2011.

(Sleep the elusive slippery smart customer.. never comes when you most need it ..and completely abandons  you when you will it to come or make an effort to have her.. surrender , beg and give up the fight then she comes .. The blog completed its two years, two days ago on 19th April.. so a double post to celebrate it !! Thank you for reading .. until later..Sleep Well !!!! :) )

Hain Kya Hua ..Kya Hua .. ??

Hain Kya Hua ..kya hua ..

Ekakani Natak ..

Jagah: Ek colony ke park ki bench par

Patra : 2 adher umar ke vyakti jo har baat pe gyan dete hain aur dikhate hain ki who kitna jaante hain ..

Samay: Sham ek yahi 7 baj rahe hain

Patra 2: bathe kuch soch rahe hain ..unke chehre par sawaal ke sign ..

Patra 1: unki oor aate hue ..ruk kar bolte hain ..

Patra 1 : hain kya hua ?

Patra 2  :    kya hua?

Patra 1: yeh sawaalon se bhare chehre ka matlab ?

Patra 2 : dimag ki batti gul hai  kuch vichar nahin aa rahe

Patra 1 : ohh ho accha accha power supply down hai lagta .. power station check kariye

 Patra 2 : haan major fault hai udhar govt ko tax nahin dene se power ban ho gaya hai poore rajya ka

Patra 1 : tax bahriye zurmane ke saath.. kuch rishwat khilaye , power aa jayige

Patra 2: khilane ke liye to nahin hai.. pila sakte hain

P1 : aree toh pila hi dijiye

P2 : par soch rahe the koi gair-paramparik urja source par kyun nahin dhyan kendrit kiya jaye

P1: aree pehle asal wali power toh layiee phir ..gair paramparik urja par kaam kariye

  insaan saans toh lega na bhala khaye kuch bhi

P2: nahin aap sochen jab amrika ne humare nuclear test ke baad ban lagaya tha to humne bahut creativity dikhayi thi aur self-sustaain ho gaye the ...aap atalji se pooch le

 P1: yeh acchi baat nahi hai ..  jo baat ho woh aap secular non secular par laa ke khada kar dete hain ..

P2 :baat to emergency se shuru hoti hai

P1: baat tab shuru hoti hai ki jab gandhiji ne calutta mein staygarha kiya tha dange rokne ke liye

 P2:  main to kehta hoon yahan bhi reinessance jaisa kuch hona chahiye.. ye lokpal ek achhi shuruat hai..rom rom me rome bas sakta hai yahan bhi

(P1 khudte hue mann mein sochte hain..accha abhi itaaly se wapas aaye toh shaan dikha rahe.. abhi batata huun )

 P1: dekha yeh italy ke log sab jagah pehle hue hain .. hamrare upar raj karna chahte hain

apni roman empire to dedh gayi …  soni ki chidiya hi dikhti hai abhi bas

 P2: aajkal waise bhi sabhyata to rahi nahin ..hum aap to bas ghoom phir ke haath aur kamal ke beech me ghoom rahe hain bas

 P1 : aree kya baat keh di apne ..bas haath kamal to pyar se pakad le..  toh gandhiji ka sapna sach ho jaye

 P2 : aji gandhi ji ke to bahut sapne the.. unme se kuch shayad amsterdam me sach hote honge

P1: haan jaise hamam mein sab ......hote hain waise sauna mein bhi sab ... hote honge

P2: aree hamam se yaad aaya ..mujhe nahana hai .. nahi aap toh jaante hain Sarla khana nahi khane degi.. chaliye chalat hain .. tata

P1: tata tata…

P1 aur P2 apne apne gharoon jaate hue .. manch ki lights dheemi hoti hain…

……………………………….Parda girta hai ……………………………………………………..

Written ..rather created and inspired on 14th April 2011

( This conversation was inspired by a conversation between two friends where the discussion thread jumped hoops from one track to another and made no sense. When we converse we love toshow others how much we know and how clever arguments we can make.. but sometimes its turns absurd but hilarious. I thought of using the Devanagari script but them thought ki roman script will give a nice feel to this natak. Chaliye abhi chalat hain phir mulakat hogi.:) )

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

By William Henry Davies.

(Discovered this poem in conversation with friends. Life's small pleasures which we forget.. !! )

I Can..Can You ? Epilogue

Some days have passed,
Unassuming yet unbridled with joy.
Nothing has changed, yet everything has.
Songs, all of them make sense !!
Hearts, hopes and hands are linked.
In a circle of life, love and friendship.
Nights are brighter and days shorter.
Everlasting and forever.

Written on 28 February, 2011.

(Initially wanted to write a longer poem but thought should end this short and sweet. So here is the end of the love story .. Happy wala.. If you want to read the first 2 parts then go here Part 1 Part 2. So long then .. Hasta la vista.. !! :)  )

I Can..Can You ? Reprise

I see you walking behind someone,

Looking down on the road,

Mumbling as usual. 

He stops, taps your head and smiles at you*.

You light up.

I blink and walk away. 

You wave at me, catching my eye.

Hop, never walk towards me.

Throwing your head back, laughing.

A smile has made you happy.

The sunlight catches in your hair, 

Golden brown..shimmering you glow. 

And blow me away.

I see your heart chipping away.

I want to pick up all those pieces and build us a dream.

You still look up at the sun smiling**.

Such strength !! 

I sit down , resenting ..and defeated. 

Ruffling my hair, you shake your head at my scowl.

You pull of a tuft to lift my head, my spirits.

I give a mock cry. 

But my eyes water ..with pain.. real. 

Your eyes huge with concern, so deep and glistening,

Bore into my soul, searching.

I get lost ! 

You find me, you frown, you look away..

I take your hand to get up.

Thinking, you look down at our hands.

Yours has disappeared in mine the way you like. 

I look at you , speaking without saying,

I don't want a promise, or a bond, or this world or any other.

Hold my hand and walk with me,

I can.. can you ?

Written on 31st January, 2011.

( First of all a very Happy New Year !!! :) Thankfully did this month's post in time. This is from the guy's perspective, the third of the kind and first sequel poem. I can ..can you part II. You might want to read the first part * and also the other reference to my other poem She Smiled ** The love story continues.. more when we meet again.. Adios amigos !! )