I want to make hot phulkas after PhD.

In a recent article by the poster boy of Indian writing from the flock of B'School graduates - advises men to marry women who do not make hot phulkas at home but work in a potato chips company (am paraphrasing) i.e. are working. He lists lot of advantages a working woman can bring to the family and home. For e.g. she can help her husband in dealing with office politics and bring back information and knowledge as she is better exposed to the world. So now not only do I have to be fair, beautiful, slim and homely to get married, I have to be working woman as well. That is if I have to meet the criteria published daily in newspaper matrimonial pages. Not only convent educated mind you but working.  Thinking that one article can influence the age-old marriage market is perhaps naive but going by his book sales you never know. 

Though it has changed, the market that is. Now educated working women are the need of the hour or rather homes. Therefore I never had a choice. Earlier I was not allowed to study , then only allowed to study so that I become eligible for marriage as times changed and people wanted educated DiLs and then allowed to work but its continuation depended on the in-laws. Now they want working DiLs. Where is my choice and my freedom? If I choose to make hot phulkas after doing PhD who is anybody to tell me that I should not do it?  And use my grand education for a job and mind you earn well. What if I want to pursue a different career and god forbid not marry at all !! Why should anybody tell me what do to and not to do and question me about it.

My mother taught for twenty years and stopped working before reaching retirement age. Did that make her suddenly incapable or did her job as a school teacher make her less capable as mother or wife because she could not tell Dad about mutual funds? Many of friends in school and college had non-working mothers and they were as well-brought up as me and others who had working mothers. Education should lead to jobs is a topic for another post. But where is it written? More so and more importantly education does not come from  sitting in a classroom. That is literacy. Was it not the so called highly educated who were managing the i-banks responsible for the 2008 financial crisis. Education means how to live your life well and make your surroundings if not the world a better place. And knowing the difference between clothes and culture which equate wearing a sari to purity and shorts to promiscuity. You may be a financial wizard but you make millions at the cost of others you are nothing more than a common thief. You maybe Lalitaji in the whitest of white sari yet can be a dowry seeking torturing MiL.

Managing home is a mind blogging task which is to be done 24/7 365 days an year. It involves all the disciplines in the world be it management, finance, politics, ethics, you name it and you get it. The word Economics originates from a Greek word which means household management. Rejecting household work and being a homemaker (now that housewife is out of fashion) is down right ridiculous. The fact is anything I do there is counter by the so called society. If I don't work after completing my education then I was not worth of getting a job. If I don't take a break for having babies and leave them in the care of the maid then I am a callous mother. I am also guilty of stereotyping and questioning others. When after class XII my classmates started getting married and I was like 'so soon'. I did not know under what circumstances and conditions. Maybe after their marriage they completed their education and went on to careers. One of the examples that comes to mind is Tarla Dalal.

Career and jobs are not the be all and end all of life. The reason they are given importance is because through it mostly and especially for women stems their freedom and liberation. What is needed is firstly respect for what ever I am doing be it managing home or managing a fortune 500. Secondly freedom to choose my way of life and the encouragement to pursue my dreams. This not only for me or women but for everybody. In a modern free society the freedom to choose, to be different, have the courage to reject stereotypes and labels are a must. Breath. Live and let live.

P.S. I don't know how to cook !!

Written on 28th September, 2012.

( You can read the article mentioned in the blog here 

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-toi/all-that-matters/Home-truths-on-career-wives/articleshow/15243750.cms.  Don't have much to say now just that respect others and their choices and yes you may think of all the caveats that are legal :)  Till next time Happy Dusshera !!!! :) )

The Art of Accepting Gifts

If the first thought in your mind while taking a gift is "Why ?? and not WOW !!!!  then you need to learn the art. You think "Oh god, I have to return the favour in equal measure if not more" then join fast. I used the word taking not accepting because if you accept, then you make it your own with your heart, with all the love and respect and you feel happy and not obliged. Gone are the days when a simple parle-g biscuit packet untidily packed gave so much pleasure ( true story by the way ..you heard it from the acceptor's mouth). Now it is just calculation about the money and more so the comparison and the equality (not of the good kind) of what the current receiver previously gave you. Not a thought is given to the love and affection behind the gift. But the giver is also not above all this and it may not be you and you might be responding or reacting to someone else's (coining a new term ..*drum roll*)  calculative gift. It has become a game of one-up- man-ship. "Uska gift mere gift se bada kaise?" *Sigh* innocence is over ..so the joy of gifts is only for the young that too below 7 years because after that I guess they do take part in their parents discussions as to what to give their friends.
"व्यवहार" or social obligation or conduct has taken over the art of gifting. Sometimes it is required to done in the social spectrum among relatives. Ok I agree always but it can be reduced and removed if people want. But व्यवहार among friends is beyond my comprehension. And not among casual friends but good friends. Who gave what, for how much, and what should be given back. Lets not even get started on combined gifts. Such a mess !!!!
Actually this blog is about me if by now you have not realized I am just taking out my frustration but of course regarding gifts only. I love giving gifts as much as I love receiving them. People think and say too that I accept anything and should have no problem in that. Good thing or bad or pathetic...I don't know. But I accept any gift with all the love and thought I give gifts. The overriding motive behind my gifts to people is they remember me by it. I am basically a memory and nostalgia collector so I try to give the memories to others. Joy and happiness too. It is still such fun to open the wrapper ...
I know people who do not believe in either receiving or giving gifts. Well they have a stated and publicly declared policy ..good that's clear. But try giving them a gift, it is addictive I tell you who does not like to be surprised :). Guys specially non-boyfriends dont believe in giving gifts specially to girls on their own combined maybe and among their guy gang possible. Boyfriends do not have a option poor souls !!! but I know boyfriends who don't give gifts as well they might be in deep trouble ;). But then again it is given that he has to give why ?? well the girl also gives ok.. but why necessary? I can hear people say 'you have not been in a relationship'  So it is girl thing well not exactly but mostly.
Let me hazard a generalization without fearing a backlash. Girls give gifts among friends and when they are friends mostly and guys when they start earning and to show off their money mostly in social settings maybe among friends too. But I seriously envy the freedom with which guys walk into any party and wedding without carrying a gift and they don't disappoint anyone because that is expected behaviour. Now I am in serious trouble with my gender.
Jokes apart would really request elders to accept gifts from their juniors because when they gift you something they feel proud about it and also happy that they are giving or trying to give you as much happiness as you gave them. Friends ..chill dude and dudettes seriously please. Those who do not believe in either giving or receiving gifts please state your preference clearly not only verbally but in writing as well be it birthdays or marriages or mundans and others please respect it if not the verbal then the written word is sacred. And most importantly if I give you a gift accept it with joy because that is what I was trying to give you and in return give me a memory of good times spent with you and I will cherish it. (Well a gift will do just fine too :) )

Written on 29th July, 2011.


( The title is from a Reader's Digest article which I really liked and cannot find anywhere now. It was beautifully written and said that not only giving gifts but accepting them was also important. I am tired of explaining why I give gifts or giving this one in particular. I like to see the joy on people's face but all I see is question marks. I have to fight to give gifts seriously.. !!! Just realized this could have been the blog short and sweet. But if you are here then you read it anyways :D. This is my third prose blog and two blogs have been old poems one mine and one someone else's so only three original poems till now. Three poems in seven months I need a mid course corrections lets hope that happens. Till we meet again...Happy Teej, and Rakshabandhan. :) ) 

Duniya mein do type ke...

Incident One : Caught a  radio auto for the railway station. Reached station. Got out to pay the fare. While taking out the money hit forehead with hand and touched a already hurting insect bite. Let out a rather loud cry of pain. The auto driver looked up with concern and asked what happened. Explained just a insect bite. He checked the auto for any luggage or item left behind and nodded his head. Said thank you and moved on. 

Incident Two: Do not use a pillow while sleeping. The pillow during train journeys usually end being put behind acting as head rest for the bed. In  the 2 A compartment  a young guy walked up coolly picked the pillow from behind head and walked away. By the time realization hit he was gone. Boiled with anger. Did nothing. Imagined a good fight in mind. Frustrated. Remembered incident one. Took a deep breath. 

Small inconsequential things. Just one question of concern. Just a damn dirty railway pillow. 

Written on 13th July, 2011.

(The title is a dialogue from the film Hum from a very famous drunk scene. Black, white or grey you decide or of no consequence you decide. Missed out June's post so this one for June. Hopefully will write another one this month. Till then Happy Monsoons !!!! :) )