सर्दी में माँ की शाल याद आती है

सर्दी में माँ की शाल याद आती है
वोह पतली सी
हरे रंग की,
कुछ रंग बिरंगी फूल बने थे
कबसे लिपटे थे वोह उन कर्मठ कंधो पर।

माचिस की खुशबू
कई मसालों कि महक
आया करती थी उस से
कभी सर पर कभी कंधों पे झुला करती
काम करते हाथों को गर्मी कहाँ भाती है।

कभी कभी रसोई में दौड़ लगाते हम
छिप जाया करते  उसके अन्दर
उसके हरे धागों के बीच से आती झिलमिल रोशिनी
वह भीनी महक
और सुन्हेलि गर्मी
एक अलग ही संसार था।
सादा सुखद और शांत।

अब सर्दी में मोटे मोटे स्वेटरों में कहीं चिपे हुए हम
नीचे देख के जल्दी जल्दी भागते रहते है
ठंड से .. अकेलेपन से .. शोर से
तो और भी
सर्दी में माँ की शाल याद आती है।


Written on 1st February, 2013.

(First post of the year..A very Happy New Year !! wont apologize for the long absence because there is no excuse or apology. This poem was in my mind since long..I still remember that green shawl mom had and used to wear it in the severe winters of Srinagar. I can still smell matchsticks and spices on it. Have not seen it since long. Will check if she still has it. Memories have a way of lingering.. :) Till next time.. Hopefully soon..Happy Valentines Day !! Spread Love) 

The Heart in response to Despair

Scared of the new he did not move on,

Looking back on what was long gone.  

The chasm of despair was wide enough,

Dark and deep, pulsating and painful.  

The abyss of fear had its own echo.

Trying to drown the sound of that soft tinkle,

And the eyes would now and then wrinkle.

But on the morrow or days after,

The sun will warm every corner.

Leaves will struggle and shoot to new life.

And one dark corner will be a room long unvisited,

A treasure to keep, to smile and reminisce about.

Shake your head and laugh about.

For the heart believes, has faith.

Hope and love are all around.

To take, not two steps but a leap, 

To cross the chasm of despair so deep. 

Its beats every day and says

Why think of the end at the new beginning?  

Written on 7th November, 2011. 

( The second para of the poem (now modified) was in response to a friend's poem about a personal loss. Trying to give him hope wrote that and today completed the whole poem. Life and loss go together and despair has such wide encompassing wings that it can engulf you forever. It is enticing too and a safe place to be because the world out their seems scary and brutal. It is and it is not. Most of us are fortunate enough to have friends, loved ones and family around reach out , hang on , cry, throw a tantrum , sulk but move on. If not for yourself but for them for they will also be tired of counselling you after sometime :P just kidding. Move on. The heart is strong more than you think. Otherwise start using saffola :) 'teri dil ki baat main jaanu' 

On that note Eid Mubarak !!!! :) Till we meet again Khuda Haafiz !! :) ) P.S. do visit the link behind the room long unvisited words a previous poem about heart and the hall of life. 

To whomsoever it is concerned

Taking out time to listen,
Hearing out and holding on.
Always around,
Never letting go.
Kissing away the tears and fears.

Years go by,
Only thing that passes are good times,
Unending and unusual.


Written on 23rd October, 2011

(My birthday just went by and I was overwhelmed with the love and wishes of friends and family. There were midnight celebrations and surprises and a treasure hunt thrown in for good measure. Phone calls (international calls too !!), smses and gifts. The day and sometime after it was full of joy, happiness and so much love. It made me realize, well I know it but it reinforced and reiterated  the fact that I am much loved. Such a amazing feeling. So a bigggg Thank You to all ( you know who you are ..!! ). A poem after a long time. Till we meet again a very Happy Diwali !!!! :)  Adios Amigos..)

I Can..Can You ? Epilogue

Some days have passed,
Unassuming yet unbridled with joy.
Nothing has changed, yet everything has.
Songs, all of them make sense !!
Hearts, hopes and hands are linked.
In a circle of life, love and friendship.
Nights are brighter and days shorter.
Everlasting and forever.

Written on 28 February, 2011.

(Initially wanted to write a longer poem but thought should end this short and sweet. So here is the end of the love story .. Happy wala.. If you want to read the first 2 parts then go here Part 1 Part 2. So long then .. Hasta la vista.. !! :)  )

I Can..Can You ? Reprise

I see you walking behind someone,

Looking down on the road,

Mumbling as usual. 

He stops, taps your head and smiles at you*.

You light up.

I blink and walk away. 

You wave at me, catching my eye.

Hop, never walk towards me.

Throwing your head back, laughing.

A smile has made you happy.

The sunlight catches in your hair, 

Golden brown..shimmering you glow. 

And blow me away.

I see your heart chipping away.

I want to pick up all those pieces and build us a dream.

You still look up at the sun smiling**.

Such strength !! 

I sit down , resenting ..and defeated. 

Ruffling my hair, you shake your head at my scowl.

You pull of a tuft to lift my head, my spirits.

I give a mock cry. 

But my eyes water ..with pain.. real. 

Your eyes huge with concern, so deep and glistening,

Bore into my soul, searching.

I get lost ! 

You find me, you frown, you look away..

I take your hand to get up.

Thinking, you look down at our hands.

Yours has disappeared in mine the way you like. 

I look at you , speaking without saying,

I don't want a promise, or a bond, or this world or any other.

Hold my hand and walk with me,

I can.. can you ?

Written on 31st January, 2011.

( First of all a very Happy New Year !!! :) Thankfully did this month's post in time. This is from the guy's perspective, the third of the kind and first sequel poem. I can ..can you part II. You might want to read the first part * and also the other reference to my other poem She Smiled ** The love story continues.. more when we meet again.. Adios amigos !! )

Je Me Mi ....

Scarlet red and Inky blue,

Green trees and Primrose hues.

Glassy lakes and Frothy streams,

Crunchy snow and Scented expanses.

Long tresses over flowing dresses,

Elegant band around the wrist telling time. 

Wordy new worlds in my hand,and

Tricky questions to expand. 

Lyrical melodies through the night,

Playing keys of black and white.

Looking at life through pinholes,

Travelling afar happily burning soles. 

Celluloid dreams and

Piping hot steam from mi madre's dishes. 

Cups of memories and full of brown succor too..

and, Lengthy sessions of loquacity. 

Putting together imagination in parts and,

 The small picture, things and moments. 

Peeping from behind the fluffy white the lovely disc of love,

All that I wrote above and how ..

I love. 

Written on November 1, 2010. 

( Ok so even for me deadlines mean nothing .. and I am late by an hour and fifteen minutes for the October poem. Kudos to me. But here is it ... My favourite things and those which I love to do. My birthday present to me. Till we meet next ..Happy Deewali !! :) )

 

Links of Life

Small hand wrapped around a finger.

It pulls up small legs on their feet.

Catch them when they trip.

Small hands hug on tight after a fall. 

The fingers.. now all on call embrace, encircle, ensconce. 

Links of love. 

Sweaty palms, high fives and down lows.

Holding on edge to edge, wrist to tip.

Round and round they trip and slip.

Back slaps, pats and punches. 

Caress on cheeks , ruffling hair and fingers on lips.

Links of joy, of friendship. 

Folded palms, or hands raised in prayer,

Fingers crossed or making the cross.

Hands on heads giving blessings all across. 

Links of hope. 

Hands raised in greeting , or a chance meeting.

Sometimes raised in anger or regret. 

Or to take on the world with just a closed fist. 

With nothing in them only destiny and grit,

And the will to reach the final tryst. 

Links of life.

Written on 1st October, 2010.

( In the 18 months of this blog this is the first time I have been late in posting the monthly poem/post. Sorry about that !!! This is the September poem. Hands... so many gestures ..so many expressions and feelings. My favourite.. when a baby holds on to your finger. Her whole being around that one appendage of the whole human body, and as I had mentioned in my last poem a hand disappearing in another in love :) Till then ..and this time we meet sooner within this month. My month !! :) ) 

I Can ..Can You ?

I break my own heart everytime,
Build sand castles and raze them to the ground.
Write my life story and erase it each time,
I dream and wake up again and again.

I listen to everything you say,
Hear that too, which you don't.
I live by your smile and,
Die everyday.

I collect things and surround myself with them,

Colourful, beautiful and bright.

You call me the 'material girl',

But they are only to fill spaces and crowd you out. 

I look at you and see you looking back at me,
Hoping you would read what my eyes are trying to say.
I look down, look away and blink,
Scared of the happy possibilities.
While you complement me on the brightness of my eyes.

I like the way my hand disappears in yours in a shake,
Holding on I walk the line far ahead in the future.
Only to be brought back by your head shaking with mild amusement,
At my absentminded glazed look.

I fight with you, argue and say clever things,
Pout and be petulant and peevish.
Be jealous, possessive and shed angry tears.
All this and more, while walking a step behind.. silently.
You tap my head to look for me , 'lost are you?' you smile and say.

All world's a stage and, I am the best actress.
I am having the time of my life and yet in this mad merry muddle medley,
I miss you, though you are beside me.
I don't want a promise, or a bond, or this world or any other.
Hold my hand and walk with me,
I can.. can you ?


Written 24th August, 2010.

(So finally a Can poem or rather the Can poem. There are some tributes in the poem to my favourite songs and favourite lines in songs. For e.g. Walk the line by Johnny Cash; ' क्या गिला हम करे वोह बेवफा भी नहीं, हमने वोह सुन लिया उसने कहा भी नहीं .. Pyar kar from Dil toh Pagal Hai; ' घडी देखि थी तोह उसने अपना हाथ रख दिया था उसपे, कितने बड़ा हाथ था उसका, उसकी दोनों कलाईयाँ बंद हो जाया करती थी उसमे, lock हो जाती थी' ... Aasmani Rang from Sunset Point; मुख़्तसर सी बात है तुमसे प्यार है .. Tum Pukar lo from Khamoshi. इसके आगे हम , और क्या कहे जानम    समझा करो !!! :) )

For Better or Worse ...For More or Less...

Lashing tongues, loud and tense;

Overloading the already taut nerves.

Venting out vitriol, they hoist shallow vain between them.

Everlasting and forever. 

Anger ebbs and flows.. dissolves in tears.

Near the end, they look at the beginning.

Down memory lane they walk, hands wringing.

Halting at moments..memorable and mundane.

Again and again their eyes look..  and they listen,

Together to the music of their own hearts.

Everlasting and forever.

Written on 16th July, 2010.

( This poem is dedicated to a little angle who's in need of a lot of love and best wishes .. and who celebrates her first b'day without her parents today !!!!!!!! :(  For more love in this world , more understanding and more.. just humanness.. I looked at my diary toady where I note down b'days and anniversaries  and I saw that I have struck out two marriage anniversaries of friends' ..one because of differences between them , and one was torn apart due to tragedy. One could have been an anniversary .. but was not to be. Love junta love, be more patient and listen more, talk less. Few minutes of  listening time you give to another soul might just be the one thing they were looking for. Be more accepting of the idiosyncrasies of people around you because no one is there to match your criteria of what people should be like, and how they should live. There is a far better authority doing it since time came into being. You may say its difficult..but it is not.. just do what you would want the other person to do unto you. I try to do it and truthfully have succeeded quite a bit. This all  might seem preachy to you but it is truly heartfelt. Inspiration came from a forward I got where the Washington Post had asked for two rhyming lines, the first one romantic and the other one least romantic. So it got me thinking that love and hate go together and you have to choose between the two. Do notice the how each line starts...And have more Saffola .. "teri dil ki baat main jaanu" :))

The Collector of Smiles *

"Fool !!!!! " , he cries out

Not in agony for lying on the bed of arrows,

Created by his favourite son.

But for not collecting that one smile,

The one most beautiful and mesmerizing.

The one which would have made him choose life and not death,

Today !!

He had a choice.

He is the grand sire of the mighty nation.

He is, was ..the collector of smiles.

He closes his eyes to the world,

Tired of the looks of sheer disbelief at his fallen visage.

He closes to those gathered all around him.

For knowledge , wisdom , and truth.

He is the fountain, the foundation, the force behind the grand plan of the nation.

Spouting forth the mantras of  leading, ruling, conquest and guiles.

But not never of love, life ...and smiles..

He closes and crosses over.

Over the fields of death,

Courts of intrigue,

Palaces of opulence.

Times of building empires,

Of standing behind power and not ....

Defacto and not dejure.

"Ha" ,a mockery, he thinks,

Thats what his life was defacto .. never real, never his.

To a meadow of green and glen,

Of primroses and sun.

He sees a galloping steed, white with speed

And a knight.

Coming for that look,

That song,

That smile.

It is he, to see Her.

He collected the smiles.

The shy ones, which reached his eyes by the time she lifted hers.

The knowing ones, when both smiled together.

The happy ones, when everything glowed in their warmth.

The sad ones, cold yet comforting.

The just like that ones.

The teasing ones, and pleading ones.

The petulant ones and reluctant ones.

But that one smile which would have said it all.

The one he could have lived and died by.

He did not collect that one.

One that she was ready to give, waiting to give ..waited to give.

He lived ..death wasn't an option.

He opens his eyes.

All around are broken minds and bodies.

Hurting hearts.

He calls them closer.

And smiles.

It breaks forth through the mist of gloom.

"Collect smiles", he breathes his last.

They smile hesitantly then with understanding.

Written on 25th January , 2010.

* Fictional account of Devavratha son of Shantanu & Ganga also known as Bhishma Pitamaha.

(What if Bhishma Pitamaha was in love ? He could not do anything about it, because of his vow of serving the throne and life of celibacy. But what if ? It was very interesting how i came up with this idea. Don't remember the whole thing but started out with writing 'Can I fall in love' to a girl reading a love story to the fairy tale of knight in shining armour to someone reminiscing  about lost love to this ..or something like that. Did think of ending the poem by the girl closing the book and asking can she fall in love ..but thought the better of it . Now thinking doing a sequel to this poem where the girl reading the story says her part. Lets see.. BTW I think you all were very fortunately spared of the poem 'trouble in fairyland' where all the heroines have neck, back, shoulder pains and this causes their heroes trouble no end mirroring my own neck, back and shoulder pain. Thought it would be very funny but I don't think so now. Well till next time ..and this poem took a long time in writing but here it is. )

Beyond the Black Silk Curtain

The flame flickers and,

Falls on the twirling muslin.

The candle waxes,

Telling time of the passing aeons in seconds.

She looks up, with

Eyes, doe eyes.

Looking from behind the curtain of black silk.

The eyes catch the flecks of light,

The starlight.

The moonlight.

Like two mirrors, like glassy ponds.

Like a sunflower.

He looks at them.

In them, with wonderment.

Like a child looks at his first rainbow.

He tries to part the silky screen.

She blinks.

She blushes.

She is the sun now, setting and crimson.

The leaves sigh ....

Her feet tinkle with music,

His laughter jingles.

These light rhythms swirl around in the cup of time,

Endless, passing yet still.

Witnessing their unsure steps,

Listening to their unsaid words,

Shaky breath,

Tremulous heartbeat.

Unspoken yet unyielding love.

There is a sudden gush of chill,

The flame flickers violently,

goes out.

Cold brittle fingers tear the curtain apart.

Black on black.

Scraping the silk.

The spell is broken.

The leaves stab.

The eyes are haunted, hunted.

The muslin bristles.

Crimson sun oozes blood.

The Love is unyielding and declared.

Cup of time brims over.

The lights twinkle now.

Their yellowish haze, falls on two silhouettes.

Talking and chattering.

Their laughter echoing all around.

Time thinks its different,

Yet its the same.

Beyond the black silk curtain,

Eyes, doe eyes..

Still look from behind them.

He still sees the rainbow.

Spoken now, still

Love is unyielding.

Written on 20th December, 2009.

{Again started out to write something else from a historical to a love story to how people fall in love which became love over the ages. Hope that comes across. The writing process is very interesting and a poem once a month makes it more so. The poem is a bit filmy , don't you think so ?? :) It is said and felt that love and its expression was very subtle in the past. Films, books and our parents :) tell us so and today its more loud, confident and out there in the open. And yet love is the same and still there is that shyness factor (see Hitch) and that mushy factor ..SRK eyes !!!!!! *sigh* ;) How do people fall in love? That one step a person takes to allow the other to enter their lives, hearts and minds. Maybe I have never been in love that is why am asking these questions. Have come close yet found very difficult to let go. Take that leap of faith. Is that it a leap of faith ?? "You complete me" or " I am complete in myself and don't need anyone to that for me" which one is it ?? Questions , questions. " Can I fall in love? " coming up !!!!!!!! ;) }

Vulnerable

Very deep down what you feel,

Unspoken to anybody,

Letting it gush forth like a waterfall,

Never do it with somebody,

Eager to cash on it,

Ready to sympathize; but not able to handle the responsibility,

Always have a friend in your self and, 

Befriend only one who truly loves you,

Let the one understand you even if it takes time because,

Everlasting love needs some intelligence too. 

Written on 2nd October, 2000.

(Another one in the lines on Vikram Seth's style. The first letters of each line make up the word vulnerable. A lesson I learned with huge difficulty that you have to be careful about how much you let others see your emotions and your emotional side. Well basically you grow up and wise. And strange thing is that now people friends basically who know me longer know that i am very emotional and can cry at the drop of my hat. But people who know me for less time say about 3 years of less think that I am a strong person which I am  but also less emotional. Life !!!!! and its myriad hues .. One word ..WOW !!!!!!!! ) 

Mom and the Little Girl

As the little girl with eyes heavy with sleep

Lay down her head in my lap

It was feather light

I told her mom that it felt nice..

She beamed and said it was the best thing in the world “A mother”

 

She is mother to a little girl

A mother of a little girl

Mother … because of the little girl.

 

She learns the rhymes with her and recites it too..

Knows her alphabets and numbers too..

But only as far as the little girl can go

Did you know that Hansel & Gretel’s father drove out their step mom out?

She knows..

 

From the day she first held her in her arms and glowed with something ethereal 

She does a million of small things which might seem mundane ..

The first spoon of cereal to the last glass of milk for the day .. it is a mind boggling game

Rice is eaten without any curry and spoon should also be free of any slurry

 

“It takes just a little effort”  the father had told me once.

Little!!! really as surprises come in small packages so does ..happiness, responsibility and major food habit followers

 

As the little girl runs to get a hug from one of her favourite uncles..

I wonder how the mother can let go of her so easily, and

Not once but everyday, every time

First day of school and she takes a backseat

First friend and the games exclude her

First crush and ..

 

But their love which is limitless, timeless, never ending

They share stories, jokes and junk jewelry and in near future

They will fight over clothes and shoes.

 

As the mother looks on lovingly !!

She is jolted from behind with a spontaneous hug 

And the little girl says “ Happy Birthday Mamma”

 

(Had written it for Bobby (a friend and a mother of a lovely girl Raavee) for her birthday. Inspired by true events) 

Written on 27th November, 2008.

Labour of Love

She was sinking ..

Having lost more than blood

A part of Her soul !

 

He, was carrying the – a wave in his arms

Light as sand

Soft as wind

 

Life and death in the same room ..same space ??

Is it possible?

Is it human?

Is it God’s will ?

 

She created the wave she thinks defiantly !

While holding on to the umbilical cord of life ready to be severed

He does not know his share of blame .. too great too little ?

 

Blame??

When did it come to this?

Not when they were weaving pink and blue dreams..

Not when the little soft things were filling all the spaces in their lives

Not when the fun of the elephant in their hands gave them pleasure after ages of being blindfolded

Not when speaking rounded languages had them in splits.

 

They were happy..

They were true

They were fulfilling their destiny of blood making blood not spilling it ,

Sinew making sinew stronger and not slashing it..

 

For more love in this parched world

They were bringing in that clear sparkling laughter like waterfall.

For that wide eyed wonderment in the cynical maze of there and done..

For that sanity which is lost in the deathly hollows of pains

Life was to shine through the mist of loss.

 

But at the cost of his love he thought

Never !! Never !!! Not even when..

 

The Wave breaks against the rocks of love ..

The Man takes off the hood and dons the father’s cap

The Wind caresses him

The Sand of time has begun to fall .. few seconds few minutes then few days and years..

 

But not alone ..not alone

Partners in crime or destiny or duty or need or desire or walking the well trodden path

He doesn’t know he doesn’t care

He prays, He begs, He breaks !!

The piece of His creation, his God in arms squirms to meet her other half

 

He brings her closer to Her

Though they are still joined, were joined, will ever be joined by the

Sometime strangulating, sometime relieving, sometime hurting, sometime happy ..cord of love.

 

The Wave breaks again this time stronger

The Wind gushes too ready to push away the icy hands of darkness

Closed fists, small fists clenched only with love..

 

She breathes ..she breathes.. He breathes

 

The Sun breaks through the clouds..

The yellow flower turns and stretches lazily in the warmth. 

Written on 26th March, 2009.