If the first thought in your mind while taking a gift is "Why ?? and not WOW !!!! then you need to learn the art. You think "Oh god, I have to return the favour in equal measure if not more" then join fast. I used the word taking not accepting because if you accept, then you make it your own with your heart, with all the love and respect and you feel happy and not obliged. Gone are the days when a simple parle-g biscuit packet untidily packed gave so much pleasure ( true story by the way ..you heard it from the acceptor's mouth). Now it is just calculation about the money and more so the comparison and the equality (not of the good kind) of what the current receiver previously gave you. Not a thought is given to the love and affection behind the gift. But the giver is also not above all this and it may not be you and you might be responding or reacting to someone else's (coining a new term ..*drum roll*) calculative gift. It has become a game of one-up- man-ship. "Uska gift mere gift se bada kaise?" *Sigh* innocence is over ..so the joy of gifts is only for the young that too below 7 years because after that I guess they do take part in their parents discussions as to what to give their friends.
"व्यवहार" or social obligation or conduct has taken over the art of gifting. Sometimes it is required to done in the social spectrum among relatives. Ok I agree always but it can be reduced and removed if people want. But व्यवहार among friends is beyond my comprehension. And not among casual friends but good friends. Who gave what, for how much, and what should be given back. Lets not even get started on combined gifts. Such a mess !!!!
Actually this blog is about me if by now you have not realized I am just taking out my frustration but of course regarding gifts only. I love giving gifts as much as I love receiving them. People think and say too that I accept anything and should have no problem in that. Good thing or bad or pathetic...I don't know. But I accept any gift with all the love and thought I give gifts. The overriding motive behind my gifts to people is they remember me by it. I am basically a memory and nostalgia collector so I try to give the memories to others. Joy and happiness too. It is still such fun to open the wrapper ...
I know people who do not believe in either receiving or giving gifts. Well they have a stated and publicly declared policy ..good that's clear. But try giving them a gift, it is addictive I tell you who does not like to be surprised :). Guys specially non-boyfriends dont believe in giving gifts specially to girls on their own combined maybe and among their guy gang possible. Boyfriends do not have a option poor souls !!! but I know boyfriends who don't give gifts as well they might be in deep trouble ;). But then again it is given that he has to give why ?? well the girl also gives ok.. but why necessary? I can hear people say 'you have not been in a relationship' So it is girl thing well not exactly but mostly.
Let me hazard a generalization without fearing a backlash. Girls give gifts among friends and when they are friends mostly and guys when they start earning and to show off their money mostly in social settings maybe among friends too. But I seriously envy the freedom with which guys walk into any party and wedding without carrying a gift and they don't disappoint anyone because that is expected behaviour. Now I am in serious trouble with my gender.
Jokes apart would really request elders to accept gifts from their juniors because when they gift you something they feel proud about it and also happy that they are giving or trying to give you as much happiness as you gave them. Friends ..chill dude and dudettes seriously please. Those who do not believe in either giving or receiving gifts please state your preference clearly not only verbally but in writing as well be it birthdays or marriages or mundans and others please respect it if not the verbal then the written word is sacred. And most importantly if I give you a gift accept it with joy because that is what I was trying to give you and in return give me a memory of good times spent with you and I will cherish it. (Well a gift will do just fine too :) )
Written on 29th July, 2011.
( The title is from a Reader's Digest article which I really liked and cannot find anywhere now. It was beautifully written and said that not only giving gifts but accepting them was also important. I am tired of explaining why I give gifts or giving this one in particular. I like to see the joy on people's face but all I see is question marks. I have to fight to give gifts seriously.. !!! Just realized this could have been the blog short and sweet. But if you are here then you read it anyways :D. This is my third prose blog and two blogs have been old poems one mine and one someone else's so only three original poems till now. Three poems in seven months I need a mid course corrections lets hope that happens. Till we meet again...Happy Teej, and Rakshabandhan. :) )
"व्यवहार" or social obligation or conduct has taken over the art of gifting. Sometimes it is required to done in the social spectrum among relatives. Ok I agree always but it can be reduced and removed if people want. But व्यवहार among friends is beyond my comprehension. And not among casual friends but good friends. Who gave what, for how much, and what should be given back. Lets not even get started on combined gifts. Such a mess !!!!
Actually this blog is about me if by now you have not realized I am just taking out my frustration but of course regarding gifts only. I love giving gifts as much as I love receiving them. People think and say too that I accept anything and should have no problem in that. Good thing or bad or pathetic...I don't know. But I accept any gift with all the love and thought I give gifts. The overriding motive behind my gifts to people is they remember me by it. I am basically a memory and nostalgia collector so I try to give the memories to others. Joy and happiness too. It is still such fun to open the wrapper ...
I know people who do not believe in either receiving or giving gifts. Well they have a stated and publicly declared policy ..good that's clear. But try giving them a gift, it is addictive I tell you who does not like to be surprised :). Guys specially non-boyfriends dont believe in giving gifts specially to girls on their own combined maybe and among their guy gang possible. Boyfriends do not have a option poor souls !!! but I know boyfriends who don't give gifts as well they might be in deep trouble ;). But then again it is given that he has to give why ?? well the girl also gives ok.. but why necessary? I can hear people say 'you have not been in a relationship' So it is girl thing well not exactly but mostly.
Let me hazard a generalization without fearing a backlash. Girls give gifts among friends and when they are friends mostly and guys when they start earning and to show off their money mostly in social settings maybe among friends too. But I seriously envy the freedom with which guys walk into any party and wedding without carrying a gift and they don't disappoint anyone because that is expected behaviour. Now I am in serious trouble with my gender.
Jokes apart would really request elders to accept gifts from their juniors because when they gift you something they feel proud about it and also happy that they are giving or trying to give you as much happiness as you gave them. Friends ..chill dude and dudettes seriously please. Those who do not believe in either giving or receiving gifts please state your preference clearly not only verbally but in writing as well be it birthdays or marriages or mundans and others please respect it if not the verbal then the written word is sacred. And most importantly if I give you a gift accept it with joy because that is what I was trying to give you and in return give me a memory of good times spent with you and I will cherish it. (Well a gift will do just fine too :) )
Written on 29th July, 2011.
( The title is from a Reader's Digest article which I really liked and cannot find anywhere now. It was beautifully written and said that not only giving gifts but accepting them was also important. I am tired of explaining why I give gifts or giving this one in particular. I like to see the joy on people's face but all I see is question marks. I have to fight to give gifts seriously.. !!! Just realized this could have been the blog short and sweet. But if you are here then you read it anyways :D. This is my third prose blog and two blogs have been old poems one mine and one someone else's so only three original poems till now. Three poems in seven months I need a mid course corrections lets hope that happens. Till we meet again...Happy Teej, and Rakshabandhan. :) )
you have always known that i am more of a no gifts either ways guy cause i don't like the calculative part.. but there have been exceptions.. mostly in the non calculative domain or so i think!... but at times the so called "social obligations" have forced compromises otherwise as well.. and see .. i see it as a compromise and that might be so horrible for you
ReplyDeletei used to gift till hand made cards were valued or were simple gifts of thought and then i became more civilised and moved up the chain in society and i decided to do away with my personalised gifts!
One should not forget one thing. There are only a very few gifts where strings are not attached. One should be wise to see the long strings attached and discourage any offer of such gifts. An ideal gift is one which is out of sincere love and affection without any reciprocal expectation.
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